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How not to ask for help

Prospect:
Can you fix my unicycle?
Travel Agent:
What?
Prospect:
Do you know how to ride and fix unicycles? Can you show me at least five examples of unicycles that you have fixed?
Travel Agent:
I… I’m a travel agent.
Prospect:
Right. I read you online you can help me get to Switzerland
Travel Agent:
That’s right- I can absolutely help you get to Switzerland. We have some great…
Prospect:
So you can fix my Unicycle.
Travel Agent:
What?
Prospect:
I’m planning to ride my unicycle to Switzerland
Travel Agent:
That… I don’t think that would work…
Prospect
I know. I’ve been having some trouble with it so far. That’s why I came to you. You can help people get to Switzerland. Can you fix my unicycle so that I can get to Switzerland?
Travel Agent:
Are you trying to win a record or something?
Prospect:
I don’t understand. I just really need to get to Switzerland as fast as possible.
Travel Agent:
So… Why did you decide to use a unicycle?
Prospect
It was free.
Travel Agent:
Free?
Prospect:
Yeah! I needed to get to Switzerland, so I started poking around the internet for free transportation options. I found this unicycle, along with some great free tutorials about how to ride it. I can almost make it across the room without falling.
Travel Agent:
And you want me to?
Prospect:
Help me get the unicycle to go fast enough to get me to Switzerland. I really need to be there tomorrow.
Travel Agent:
You can not ride a unicycle to Switzerland and get there tomorrow. I don’t think you could get there ever. Unicycles are not meant to be ridden that far.
Prospect:
I hear what you’re saying, but…
Travel Agent:
Why don’t you just buy a plane ticket?
Prospect:
That costs money. I try to save money whenever I can.
Prospect:
Have you ever used a unicycle?
Travel Agent:
No. But I…
Prospect:
Well- You really ought take a look at this unicycle. I got it for free online. It’s really professional looking. I’ve heard some other people say that it works pretty well.
Travel Agent:
Listen! I’ve been in the travel industry for decades. You came to me for help, so listen to what I’m telling you. You can not ride a unicycle to Switzerland. If you need to get there by tomorrow, the only way is to buy a plane ticket. Would you like my help buying a plane ticket to Switzerland?
Prospect:
Well. That sounds pretty good. There’s a lot to consider, though.
Travel Agent:
Such as?
Prospect:
Can I take my unicycle on the plane with me?
Travel Agent:
Of course you can. You’ll need to put it in a case, and then you can either check it or take it as carry-on. No problem.
Prospect:
Can you show me five examples of other people with unicycles that you’ve helped fly to Switzerland?

To all developers, designers, a service providers:
You know exactly what I mean, don’t you?

To all prospects, customers, and clients:
Please stop acting this way.

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